Wow, it’s been so long since I last posted anything on this blog. I guess stress from school and various other responsibilities, exacerbated by my tendency to worry myself to ruin, has taken away a lot of the energy that i used to be able to put toward blogging. It might’ve also been a very, very long writers block (which already started a lot earlier, considering how my blog posts had become more focused on content produced by others than my own musings), or more of a idea block in general, that has only gotten worse as the years have gone on – I haven’t really had the urge to draw, learn cosplay-related skills and information, or play any instruments for quite a while. But I still get occasional, somewhat weak urges to take up blogging again even when I have no idea what I would write about in the first place. I’ve also been hesitant to just say whatever is on my mind because I know sometimes my thoughts can be ill-formed, or even problematic or downright hateful, and I don’t want to just spew them here in a manner that I would regret later for having hurt others. Then again, maybe it’s good enough just to type because I enjoy the sound and sensation of my fingers striking the keyboard; I don’t necessarily have to wait until I am very emotional or have something I consider meaningful to write. I do wish I could reclaim that feeling from my early blogging days in middle school when I took an interest in lots of little things around me, kept pondering them, and wrote about them without constantly being plagued by insecurity about how other people might respond.
Since my family recently moved to a new house, we’ve been doing a lot of sorting, packing, unpacking, and more sorting. It’s been exciting and unfamiliar in some ways, since it does mean getting used to a different house after having lived in the same one for the vast majority of my life and living in a different neighborhood and city. But it’s not a completely foreign experience because my parents have long worked very close to our current city and we’re still only about a half hour’s drive from our old residence; in fact, my parents still go back to the other city about once a week, and I sometimes accompany them. I also graduated from high school and started attending university in 2014. On a similar note, my university is different enough from the community I was raised in for me to experience culture shock and meet a lot of people with different experiences, but it’s still geographically close enough for me to visit home without too much inconvenience and there is a fair amount of people who attended my high school or similar high schools who attend that university. So it all feels both new and familiar at the same time. I get a similar vibe looking at this blog now, because it certain feels familiar to me, but I also feel a bit out of place posting here now because I feel the posts that are on it don’t really reflect the current me. That probably means I’ve changed quite a bit over the years, even if I was not or am not consciously aware of myself changing.
It might be because I’ve always been hesitant to throw away or quit when it comes to things that I’ve had for a long time and which now hold a lot of sentimental value for me, but even though there’s a part of me that just wants to completely start over and pretend this blog never existed, I can’t really let go of it since I did really enjoy writing a lot of posts in the old days and getting to talk with my friends in the Cbox that I had back when I still hosted my blog on Blogspot. I’m still thinking about whether I should resume writing on this blog. There’s time constraints to consider, as my winter break will soon be over and I’ll be back to juggling academics and extracurricular activities, but also the question of what platform to use. Recently I’ve been spending most of my time on Tumblr, Twitter, and Youtube, and I don’t really have much of a grasp on how widely used sites like WordPress, Blogspot, Livejournal, and Dreamwidth are at the moment. I suppose it will ultimately come down to where I feel it is the most convenient and enjoyable for me to post my thoughts and still have a relatively easy time keeping track of those posts and accessing them later on.
Whew, I made that a lot more rambling than it needed to be. Thank you if you did bother to read through this long mess.
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